


Idiots With Phones

by Crystalinastar



Category: Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Artemis Crock is a Good Bro, Bisexual Artemis Crock, Bisexual Wally West, Canon Compliant, F/F, F/M, Gay Dick Grayson, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pansexual Zatanna Zatara, Pining, Texting, actual trash, and maybe memes???, daily uploads?, don't know them, procrastination, responsibilities?, this fandom really needs to migrate over here from fanfiction.net huh, trash, uh also gayness, who uses bi iris???, why? because I'm lazy, wow okay there's bi iris but no bi wally???
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-27
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2019-08-08 12:06:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 10,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16429097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crystalinastar/pseuds/Crystalinastar
Summary: Arrowette: u go to school????flashboi: ofc hes batmans partner not an actual batmasteroftheaster: wdym I’m not an actual batmasteroftheaster: I’m hella offended kf~The text fic no one wanted but my little brother likes.





	1. 'shur up' + gayness

_masteroftheaster has created chat_

_masteroftheaster has named chat “JL but better”_

_masteroftheaster added Kid Flash, Aqualad, Red Arrow, Miss Martian, Superboy, and Artemis_

**_JL but better - 1:31am_ **

**Kid Flash:** robbie wth

 **Artemis:** WTF????

 **masteroftheaster:** patrol is boring. next

 **masteroftheaster:** no seriously patrol is really boring pls text me

 **Red Arrow:** some of us are trying to SLEEP dick

 **masteroftheaster:** shhhhh

 **Red Arrow:** gn

 **masteroftheaster:** nooooooooo pls stay

 **masteroftheaster:** for me?

 **Kid Flash:** is it weird that i can feel those puppy eyes??? like robbie how

 **Red Arrow:** GN

_masteroftheaster has changed Red Arrow’s username to saltyboi_

_masteroftheaster has changed Kid Flash’s username to flashboi_

**flashboi:** stop it u DICK

 **masteroftheaster:** SHHHHHH

 **flashboi:** dick dick DICK you DICKITY DICK

 **masteroftheaster:** nO

 **Superboy:** I can’t sleep. Please stop.

 **masteroftheaster:** sorry supey no can do

 **masteroftheaster:** because patrol is underwhelming heavy on the under

 **Artemis:** FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SHUR UP

 **Artemis:** *shut

 **masteroftheaster:** haha shur

 **flashboi:** shur XD

_masteroftheaster has changed Artemis’s username to shur up_

**shur up:** goddammit how do u change the thing

 **masteroftheaster:** you can’t only I can XD

 **masteroftheaster:** shit i gtg

 **flashboi:** wait rob are u in danger???

**_JL but better - 8:07am_ **

**Miss Martian:** What is this?

 **masteroftheaster:** a group chat created by yours truly

 **Miss Martian:** You were awake seven hours ago! Most humans would still be asleep.

 **masteroftheaster:** ya but I’m not most humans

 **masteroftheaster:** besides I’m omw to school

 **shur up:** wait u go to school??????

 **shur up:** also u better change the un before i kill u you little shit

 **masteroftheaster:** I doubt it

 **masteroftheaster:** but fine

_masteroftheaster has changed shur up’s username to Arrowette_

**masteroftheaster:** happy?

 **Arrowette:** hgdjsdjksj wt actual hell robin

 **masteroftheaster:** :)

 **Arrowette:** well its prob the best ill get so back to my freak out

 **Arrowette:** u go to school????

 **flashboi:** ofc hes batmans partner not an actual bat

 **masteroftheaster:** wdym I’m not an actual bat

 **masteroftheaster:** I’m hella offended kf

 **saltyboi:** robin wth is this chat name

 **saltyboi:** also WTF DID YOU DO TO MY UN

 **masteroftheaster:** chill

 **saltyboi:** NO

_masteroftheaster has changed saltyboi’s username to AngerIssues_

**flashboi:** haha i get it

* * *

 Dick stared at the screen, cheeks going redder every second. _He’s an idiot,_ was his first thought. What followed was, _But he’s my idiot._ He grinned and looked to his chest.

“Any particular reason to be on that blasted piece of technology, Master Richard?”

“It’s nothing,” he replied rushedly.

Alfred hummed in suspicion but didn’t say anything else.

* * *

**_Private chat between masteroftheaster and Artemis - 8:10am_ **

**masteroftheaster:** hey arty got something to tell you

 **Artemis:** what is this??? why is my un normal???

 **masteroftheaster:** pm

 **masteroftheaster:** you can change it if you want

 **masteroftheaster:** anyways

 **masteroftheaster:** I’m gay. like hella gay

 **Artemis:** damn thought u were gonna reveal ur identity

 **masteroftheaster:** wait that’s it???

 **Artemis:** honey your uniform is hella gay

 **masteroftheaster:** tru tru

 **masteroftheaster:** but also I have a crush on wally

 **Artemis:** oh

 **Artemis:** thats new

 **Artemis:** i dont think im that surprised honestly

 **masteroftheaster:**????????

 **Artemis:** u and wally are like really buddy buddy you feel me

 **masteroftheaster:** we’re only friends

 **Artemis:** for now

 **masteroftheaster:** what does that mean???

 **masteroftheaster:** artemis???

**_JL but better - 8:12am_ **

**Arrowette:** surprising since ur an idiot

 **flashboi:** says the one whose name is arrowette

 **Arrowette:**...flashboi

 **flashboi:** tru tru

 **flashboi:** hey rob hasnt been talking

 **flashboi:** hey rob did A catch u??

 **masteroftheaster:** no

 **flashboi:** HE LIVES

 **masteroftheaster:** no

 **flashboi:** no but rlly bro u good?

 **masteroftheaster:** ya no worries

 **Arrowette:** sure

 **masteroftheaster:** what does that mean???

 **flashboi:** ^^^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do so love procrastination. And pieces of trash work. (And I'm sad I used the Dick joke this early but oh well) (Also I don't know how people actually text I just use grammar because I'm boring)


	2. IT'S LUNCHTIME BITCHES

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ooh-la-la: rob i believe u were in the middle of shaming me
> 
> Arrowette: kinky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha guess who decided to update. This fool.

**_JL but better - 12:31pm_ **

**Arrowette:** ugh this freshman keeps running into me

**Arrowette:** i swear hes worse than wally

**masteroftheaster:** didn’t think that was possible

**flashboi:** hey!

**flashboi:** also arty do tell us abt this boy

**Arrowette:** i dont even know his name but he keeps being annoying

**masteroftheaster:** hmmm… interesting

**masteroftheaster:** but i cant help sorry

**Arrowette:** then what good are you

**Arrowette:** why am i friends w/ a bat if he doesnt sock this kid in the jaw

**flashboi:** woah woah slow down there arty

**masteroftheaster:** *whoa

**flashboi:** f u

**_Private chat between masteroftheaster and Artemis - 12:34pm_ **

**Artemis:** this is ur chance!!!

**masteroftheaster:** no I’ll ruin our friendship

**masteroftheaster:** wait

**masteroftheaster:** you want me to say you wish don’t you

**masteroftheaster:** no

**Artemis:** r u kidding me ur thing is literally word play

**Artemis:** i s2g i better not be this fucking stupid when i have a crush

**masteroftheaster:** no but arty you don’t get it

**masteroftheaster:** he’s hella straight

**Artemis:** wait

**masteroftheaster:** are you kidding me?? again?

**_JL but better - 12:36pm_ **

**Arrowette:** u wish

**flashboi:** ew thats digusting

**masteroftheaster:** pardon???

**flashboi:** arty i respect you maybe

**Arrowette:** maybe???

**flashboi:** but i would never f you

**Arrowette:** r u serious youre such an idiot

**AngerIssues:** ya she’s right

**AngerIssues:** god fucking damnit robin

**flashboi:** ???

**AngerIssues:** the un

**flashboi:** i meant why am i an idiot but okay

**masteroftheaster:** hey kf’s not an idiot

**flashboi:** ^^^

**Arrowette:** -_-

**masteroftheaster:** I mean he’s kind of an idiot some of the time

**masteroftheaster:** just a little bit

**masteroftheaster:** like half the time

**masteroftheaster:** or three quarters

**flashboi:** i thought u were on my side traitor

**masteroftheaster:** because I am

**flashboi:** u aint showin it

**masteroftheaster:** what, you want me to go around w/ a sign saying kf’s the best?

**flashboi:** ooh yes

**Arrowette:** wtf was that ooh? ooh la fucking la

_ masteroftheaster has changed has changed flashboi’s username to ooh-la-la _

**ooh-la-la:** ROB

**ooh-la-la:** I HAST BEEN BETRAYED

**masteroftheaster:** okay first of all I only cater to the whims of the people

**masteroftheaster:** second of all that old english was atrocious

**masteroftheaster:** you should be ashamed

**Superboy:** M’gann and I are in school. We request you stop because the teachers are threatening to take our phones away. 

**masteroftheaster:** sorry supey

**ooh-la-la:** sorry

**Arrowette:** oh damn sorry

**Miss Martian:** It’s alright for now, though. We are in lunch. 

**ooh-la-la:** rob i believe u were in the middle of shaming me

**Arrowette:** kinky

**ooh-la-la:** NOT LIKE THAT

**Miss Martian:** What does kinky mean?

**masteroftheaster:** nothing you need to worry about

**ooh-la-la:** ^^^

**Arrowette:** ^^^

**Superboy:** People are attempting to look at the screen, but it would give away our secret identities. 

**masteroftheaster:** wait lemme take care of that

_ masteroftheaster has changed Superboy’s username to AngerIssues2 _

_ masteroftheaster has changed Miss Martian’s username to cookiesncream _

**masteroftheaster:** sorry it’s the best I could come up with quickly

**cookiesncream:** Wouldn’t it be easier to just use our actual names?

**masteroftheaster:** less fun tho

**AngerIssues2:** I don’t have anger issues. 

**masteroftheaster:** uh huh  


* * *

Conner glared at his phone, keeping his hand from breaking it, but only barely.

To his side, Marvin was finally able to look at the phone. “Anger issues  _ two? _ ” he said in disbelief. “There’s another one of you?”

He really wished he was allowed to punch Marvin. 

* * *

**ooh-la-la:** so like guys

**ooh-la-la:** u dont have to capitalize and stuff in txt

**AngerIssues2:** It’s easier. 

**ooh-la-la:** no???

**cookiesncream:** I think I get it

**cookiesncream:** But why is my username cookiesncream?

**masteroftheaster:** bc you make cookies and you cream people

**masteroftheaster:** also you’re nice

_ masteroftheaster has made cookiesncream an admin _

**ooh-la-la:** wait rob no fair

**ooh-la-la:** i get shes sweet but im your best bud

**ooh-la-la:** does that mean nothing to u

**masteroftheaster:** hmm lemme think… nah

**Arrowette:** hey mgann can u change my un to ShotsFired

**masteroftheaster:** can you believe I actually approve

**cookiesncream:** How do I change your username?

**cookiesncream:** Wait, never mind, I know

_ cookiesncream has changed Arrowette’s username to ShotsFired _

**ShotsFired:** sweet thanks mgann

**ooh-la-la:** hey babe while ur at it can u change mine to WarpSpeed

**masteroftheaster:** gross m’gann don’t listen to him

**ShotsFired:** yeah dont

**ooh-la-la:** but meggy ur amazing & gorgeous

**cookiesncream:** Why can’t I change his username?

**masteroftheaster:** his un right now is great

**ShotsFired:** he sucks

**ooh-la-la:** hey!

**ShotsFired:** if u know what i mean ;)

**cookiesncream:** I don’t. Can you please explain it?

**ShotsFired:** suddenly i forgot what i meant by that

**masteroftheaster:** you better have

**ooh-la-la:** oof im scarred

_ cookiesncream has changed AngerIssues2’s username to Conner _

**cookiesncream:** Sorry, he was asking me to. 

**Conner:** Thanks, M’gann.

**masteroftheaster:** boring

**masteroftheaster:** shit

**ShotsFired:** shit i gtg

**masteroftheaster:** me too

**masteroftheaster:** huh thats weird

**masteroftheaster:** I could’ve sworn star and gotham were in different time zones

**ShotsFired:** guess not

**ShotsFired:** THIS FUCKING FRESHMAN I FUCKING SWEAR

**ooh-la-la:** *laughing emoji*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it! (I don't but I'm very self-critical (is that a real word?))


	3. artemis sighs at this genius idiot + KALDUR

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ShotsFired: fuck u
> 
> masteroftheaster: no thanks I don’t swing that way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo guess who's back

_**JL but better - 4:28pm** _

**Aqualad:** I am confused.

**Aqualad:** Who is everyone?

**Aqualad:** Why are we communicating through this?

**AngerIssues:** first its more of a fun thing than anything

**AngerIssues:** not that Id call being woken up in my sleep fun but

**AngerIssues:** second everyone say your names

**AngerIssues:** roy

**masteroftheaster:** robin

**ooh-la-la:** wally

**ShotsFired:** artemis

**cookiesncream:** M’gann

**Conner:** Conner.

**Aqualad:** I could tell.

**ShotsFired:** do i even need to say it its in my name

_masteroftheaster has changed Aqualad’s username to Saltwater_

**Saltwater:** Why is my name changed?

**masteroftheaster:** bc of moi

**Saltwater:** Why Saltwater?

**ooh-la-la:** cuz ur atlantean

**ooh-la-la:** and ur like throwing shade

**ooh-la-la:**  and ur salty??

**ooh-la-la:** what?

**masteroftheaster:** it was close enough

**Saltwater:** I do not understand.

**AngerIssues:** come over to my place and I can teach you

**Saltwater:** Alright. I am commuting now.

**ooh-la-la:** well i was gonna tease roy but then kaldur said the thing

**ShotsFired:** yea it became too formal to make a joke

**ShotsFired:** but also whatcha guys doing in there?? ;)

**ooh-la-la:** hey u took my dirty joke

**ooh-la-la:** not fair

**ShotsFired:** get used to it

**masteroftheaster:** shots fired

**masteroftheaster:** :)

**ShotsFired:** fuck u

**masteroftheaster:** no thanks I don’t swing that way

_**Private chat between masteroftheaster and Artemis - 4:32pm** _

**Artemis:** hahahaHAHAHAHAHA

**masteroftheaster:** shit shit shit shit

**masteroftheaster:** SHIT

**Artemis:** amazing! incredible! 10/10 would recommend *clapping emoji*

**masteroftheaster:** you’re no help

**Artemis:** u sure bout that?

_**JL but better - 4:33pm** _

**ooh-la-la:** wait rob ur gay???

**ooh-a-la:** sweet im bi

_**Private chat between masteroftheaster and Artemis - 4:34pm** _

**Artemis:** LOCKED CHAINED AND FUCKING OWNED

**masteroftheaster:** shit shit shit shit

**Artemis:** this is a good thing???

**masteroftheaster:** NO

**masteroftheaster:** before I thought I had no chance and now he’s getting my hopes up

**Artemis:** jfc

**Artemis:** now u have a fucking chance

**Artemis:** and thats a good thing

**masteroftheaster:** but he could never be interested in me

**Artemis:** lies

**_JL but better - 4:36pm_ **

**ShotsFired:** thats cool

**ShotsFired:** say robin has a nice ass doesnt he?

**_Private chat between masteroftheaster and Artemis - 4:36pm_ **

**masteroftheaster:** what the HELL do you think you’re doing???

**masteroftheaster:** STFU OR I WILL KILL YOU

**_JL but better - 4:37pm_ **

**ooh-la-la:** ur lying to urself if u say he doesnt

**masteroftheaster:** SHUT UP I’M THIRTEEN

**ooh-la-la:** and im 15 so its fine

**ooh-la-la:** also youll be 14 soon so yea

**ooh-la-la:** what kind of best friend would i be if i didnt tell u?

**ShotsFired:** aw i think robins blushing

**masteroftheaster:** I AM NOT

**ShotsFired:** how cute he is

**AngerIssues:** thats so cute Im gonna go die

**ShotsFired:** u just have to suck the joy out of everything

 

* * *

 

 

Roy snickered, in his apartment, Kaldur snuggled against him. “There’s something else I’m sucking,” he murmured.

Kaldur looked up at him, confusion in his eyes.

He shushed his boyfriend with a kiss.

 

* * *

 

 

**cookiesncream:** I don’t understand what several of those words and phrases mean

**ShotsFired:** pls dont ever understand what they mean

_masteroftheaster has changed cookiesncream’s username to PureCinnamonRoll_

**PureCinnamonRoll:** I still don’t understand.

masteroftheaster: you’re a pure cinnamon roll. what else is there to understand?

**PureCinnamonRoll:** But I’m not a food!

**ooh-la-la:** babe ur a pure cinnamon roll

**ooh-la-la:** just accept it

**Conner:** I don’t like this.

**ooh-la-la:** shit hes getting angry what did i do???

**_Private chat between Artemis and Kid Flash - 4:38pm_ **

**Artemis:**  ur such an idiot

**Kid Flash:** why

**Kid Flash:** wait

_Kid Flash has changed Kid Flash’s username to WarpSpeed_

**Artemis:** ???

**WarpSpeed:** it sounds cool

**Artemis:** no

**Artemis:** anyways u do know that mgann and conner are together right

_**JL but better - 4:39pm** _

**ooh-la-la:** why did no one tell me mgann was already with conner?!

**AngerIssues:** because youre a dumbass

**ShotsFired:** ^^^

**PureCinnamonRoll:** I’m sorry we didn’t inform you

**Conner:** Don’t call M’gann ‘babe’.

**ooh-la-la:** jeez okay

**ooh-la-la:** yo robbie help me out here

_masteroftheaster has changed Conner’s username to heprotecheattac_

**ooh-la-la:** that was even better than i was hoping

**masteroftheaster:** *clapping emoji* thank you, thank you, I know I’m a genius

**AngerIssues:** I wouldnt go that far

**masteroftheaster:** *triggered.jpg*

**ooh-la-la:** oh shit roy *crying laughing emoji*

**ooh-la-la:** ur so rekt when rob gets to u

**AngerIssues:** shit

**Saltwater:** Does anyone know where Roy is going?

**ooh-la-la:** as far away from robin as possible

**Saltwater:** Ah.

**ShotsFired:** uh whats the big deal???

**ShotsFired:** im slightly worried

**masteroftheaster:** I don’t even need to go to star

**masteroftheaster:** hey roy check your phone

**masteroftheaster:** or your computer

**masteroftheaster:** or your tv

**masteroftheaster:** or anything connected to electricity really

**AngerIssues:** HOW THE FUCK

**masteroftheaster:** were you saying something about my genius?

**masteroftheaster:** don’t bother, I got your safehouses too

**ShotsFired:** ,,,im never getting on your bad side

**ShotsFired:** also

**ShotsFired:** <<<

**ooh-la-la:** im both scared and aroused

**_Private chat between masteroftheaster and Artemis - 4:42pm_ **

**Artemis _:_** holy shIT JUST ASK HIM OUT

**masteroftheaster:** but what if he rejects me

**masteroftheaster:** my heart isn’t ready for that

**Artemis:** i cant believe ur both a genius and an idiot

**masteroftheaster:** well so is wally

**Artemis:** no

**Artemis:** but also ur just as emotionally constipated as batman

**masteroftheaster:** GASP

**masteroftheaster:** but ya

**Artemis:** how do u make gcs

**masteroftheaster:** click the thingy in the corner

**masteroftheaster:** wait

_Artemis has created chat_

_Artemis has named chat “Operation Birdflash”_


	4. Operation Birdflash

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lovesickfool: what nO MAKE ME AN ADMIN
> 
> ShotsFired: hahaha no

_ Artemis has created chat _

_ Artemis has named chat “Operation Birdflash” _

_ Artemis added masteroftheaster, Miss Martian, Superboy, Aqualad, and Red Arrow _

**_Operation Birdflash - 4:45pm_ **

_ Artemis has changed Artemis’s username to ShotsFired _

_ Artemis has changed masteroftheaster’s username to lovesickfool _

**lovesickfool:** what nO MAKE ME AN ADMIN

**ShotsFired:** hahaha no

**Miss Martian:** Why do we have another chat?

**ShotsFired:** bc we need to get robin a bf

**Miss Martian:** Oh! Okay. There are plenty of boys in our school he can date

**ShotsFired:** no no he needs to date wally

**Miss Martian:** Oh! On Hello Megan, the advice they gave to getting a boyfriend was to flirt

**ShotsFired:** hey rob u should flirt with wally

**lovesickfool:** how about no?

**Red Arrow:** you should

**Red Arrow:** not flirt with him because ew

**Red Arrow:** but ask him out

**lovesickfool:** no

**lovesickfool:** it’s too risky

**Red Arrow:** listen up bitch I have seen you pine over wally stupidly for years now

**Red Arrow:** so go for it you idiot

**ShotsFired:** u tell him!!!

**Aqualad:** How frightening - you both just agreed with each other. 

**lovesickfool:** ohhhhhhhh

**lovesickfool:** buuuuuuurn

**lovesickfool:** no wait

**lovesickfool:** drowwwwwwwwn

**ShotsFired:** stop distracting us

**ShotsFired:** ask wally out

**lovesickfool:** ugh fine

**_JL but better - 4:48pm_ **

**masteroftheaster:** hey walls wanna come w/ me to the arcade?

**ooh-la-la:** hell yea man

**ooh-la-la:** ill be there in a 

**AngerIssues:** please dont say it

**ooh-la-la:** sec

**AngerIssues:** oh thank god

**ooh-la-la:** np

**_Operation Birdflash - 4:50pm_ **

**ShotsFired:** that doesnt count

**lovesickfool:** um ya it does???

**Superboy:** Technically, he is going on a date with Wally. A date is setting up a meeting at a specific time.

**Miss Martian:** But Conner, this date is different. It has to be romantic

**lovesickfool:** WHATCHU MEAN NO IT DOESN’T

**ShotsFired:** yes it does

**Red Arrow:** ^^^

**lovesickfool:** I’ve been betrayed by everyone except conner

**lovesickfool:** conner is fine

**Superboy:** As I should be. 

_ lovesickfool has changed lovesickfool’s username to betrayed _

**Aqualad:** I would like to point out that I have said nothing on the matter

**betrayed:** you’re fine too

**Red Arrow:** kaldur and conner have just been STALKING the chat

**ShotsFired:** wait howd u change ur name???

**betrayed:** have we even met

**betrayed:** hi I’m robin and I can hack things

**betrayed:** oh shit gtg wally’s calling me

**ShotsFired:** oOoOoOoOoOh

**betrayed:** *middle finger emoji*

**ShotsFired:** so hes gone now

**ShotsFired:** and im just gonna

_ ShotsFired has changed betrayed’s username to lovesickfool _

_ lovesickfool has changed lovesickfool’s username to betrayed _

**ShotsFired:** hey i thought u were gone

**Red Arrow:** honestly I wouldnt put it past him to program the chat to change it back to that when you change it

**ShotsFired:** RUDE   


**ShotsFired:** hey we should stalk their date

**Red Arrow:** omw

 

* * *

 

“Haha!” Wally cheered, his hands raised in the air. “Beat the high score!” 

 

Dick shoved him aside, grasping the controllers. “Cheater,” he accused. “You used your super speed.”

 

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw bright red hair and keen grey eyes at the window, barely visible, but there. He made a discrete slicing motion at his neck. Artemis and Roy glanced sheepishly at each other and ran away. 

 

“Dude? Dude!” Wally made an affronted huff. “You’re totally zoning out on me!” 

 

“Nah, I’m just prepping to cream you,” he shot back, grinning.

 

* * *

 

**_Operation Birdflash - 5:33pm_ **

_ ShotsFired removed betrayed from the chat _

_ betrayed has added betrayed into the chat _

**ShotsFired:** wtf

**betrayed:** I created this app now shut up

**ShotsFired:** damn

_ Artemis has created chat _

_ Artemis has named chat “Operation Birdflash 2.0” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well I'll be damned if I didn't use the exact same not-cliffhanger because I'm uncreative


	5. the time's drawing near :)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> masteroftheaster: I’m struggling do I change his un or not
> 
> ShotsFired: DO IT
> 
> masteroftheaster has changed ooh-la-la’s username to dumbass

_ Artemis has created chat _

_ Artemis has named chat “Operation Birdflash 2.0” _

_ Artemis added Red Arrow, Miss Martian, Superboy, and Aqualad _

**_Operation Birdflash 2.0 - 5:36pm_ **

_ Artemis has changed Artemis’s username to ShotsFired _

**ShotsFired:** hey so now all our efforts have to be secret

**Miss Martian:** why?

**ShotsFired:** eyyy ur using lowercase

**ShotsFired:** and bc robin will stop us and that cant happen

**Aqualad:** I fully support this endeavor. 

**ShotsFired:** wait what

**Aqualad:** I have only said before that I had not said anything, not that I agree or disagree. 

**Aqualad:** I did not want to suffer the wrath of a Bat. 

**ShotsFired:** mood

**ShotsFired:** so whats ur plan o great glorious leader

**Red Arrow:** hey! since Im not apart of your little team do I get to decide?

**Aqualad:** I apologize, dearest, but this is a Team matter. 

**ShotsFired:** …

**ShotsFired:** WHAT

**ShotsFired:** NO ONE TOLD ME KOY WAS A THING

**Red Arrow:** its not like we were trying to hide it

**Aqualad:** I believed it was fairly obvious. 

**Miss Martian:** me too. if you’d read their minds, they’re pretty much in love with each other

**Superboy:** I always knew.

**Red Arrow:** and we told robin and wally already

**ShotsFired:** wtf is this what wally feels like???

**Red Arrow:** yup

**Red Arrow:** so Im pretty sure kal was gonna say smth about our plan

**Aqualad:** Wally has shown rather brazen signs of affection in the past, and it’s very possible he’s harbouring feelings for Robin. If we make him realize it, then perhaps Birdflash will be initiated. 

**ShotsFired:** ^^^

**Red Arrow:** but how?

**Red Arrow:** we gotta be really thorough cuz robs a little shit 

**ShotsFired:** i think i have the perfect idea

**ShotsFired:** well just make him jealous by flirting with rob around him

**Red Arrow:** all in favor of this plan txt aye

**Red Arrow:** aye

**ShotsFired:** aye

**Aqualad:** aye

**Miss Martian:** aye

**Superboy:** ...Aye.

**ShotsFired:** LETS FUCKING GO

**_JL but better - 8:28pm_ **

**ShotsFired:** gn robin ;)

**masteroftheaster:** um,,,, okay??

**ooh-la-la:** yea gn rob

**Saltwater:** I wish you a fair sleep tonight, Robin. It wouldn’t do good for your appearance if you didn’t get any sleep. 

**_Operation 2.0 - 8:30pm_ **

**Red Arrow:** hot damn that was smooth as FUCK

**Red Arrow:** why cant you be like that with meeee

**Aqualad:** Because I have never needed to woo you, or even pretend to woo you. 

**ShotsFired:** o dam kals throwing that shade

**_JL but better - 8:32pm_ **

**masteroftheaster:** guys I have patrol

**masteroftheaster:** so like your point is valid

**masteroftheaster:** but also moot

**AngerIssues:** hey rob you know what you should do GET SOME FKIN SLEEP

**masteroftheaster:** no

**ooh-la-la:** guys just let him patrol cmon

**ShotsFired:** whyd u call out the rest of us when it was literally just the idiot

_ masteroftheaster has changed AngerIssues’s username to attacked _

**attacked:** assaulted in all directions

**masteroftheaster:** ;)

**attacked:** stop its weird when you send the winky face

**masteroftheaster:** ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)

**attacked:** ew

**ooh-la-la:** ;)

**attacked:** wally now you just look like a dumbass

**ShotsFired:** he IS a dumbass

**masteroftheaster:** I’m struggling do I change his un or not

**ShotsFired:** DO IT

_ masteroftheaster has changed ooh-la-la’s username to dumbass _

**ShotsFired:** im weeping that was beautiful

**attacked:** what an icon

**dumbass:** u were supposed to be on my side BITCH

**masteroftheaster:** I mean I’m not denying it

**ShotsFired:** im screamingg what

**masteroftheaster:** *screaming

**ShotsFired:** listen up u lil shit

**Saltwater:** Before Artemis finishes typing her undoubtedly long rant, I think it would be prudent to say that we best leave our admiring of Robin to afar. 

**ShotsFired:** i read that in the leader voice wtf

**attacked:** that was arousing

**masteroftheaster:** gross, leave that out of my good christian gc

**ShotsFired:** this is a hot mess

_ masteroftheaster has changed the name of the chat to “but we’re a colder mess than the JL” _

**masteroftheaster:** I like making my point okay

**attacked:** “but were a colder mess” - Robin, 2011

**dumbass:** hahahaha

**masteroftheaster:** This is Batman. If I catch any of you texting Robin during patrol, you get no missions.

**masteroftheaster:** ugh not cool B

**ShotsFired:** batman just threatened to ground us

**attacked:** Im not even on your team

**attacked:** what has my life become

**_Private chat between Artemis and WarpSpeed - 8:37pm_ **

**WarpSpeed:** yo

**WarpSpeed:** lay off rob

**WarpSpeed:** it makes him uncomfortable

**Artemis:** um,,,, no???

**Artemis:** if it did he wouldve told me

**WarpSpeed:** yes it do

**WarpSpeed:** look im his bf i know these things

**Artemis:** WAIT

**Artemis:** DO U MEAN TO TELL ME U AND ROBIN FINALLY HOOKED UP???

**WarpSpeed:** shit no thats not what i meant

**WarpSpeed:** bf = best friend

**Artemis:** jfc u oblivious fuck

**WarpSpeed:** anyways rob and i have this bro instinct so i know when hes uncomfortable

**WarpSpeed:** u feel me

**Artemis:** hahahaha “bro instinct”

**WarpSpeed:** what wdym 

**_Operation Birdflash 2.0 - 8:40pm_ **

**ShotsFired:** its working

**ShotsFired:** hes gettin jealous

**Miss Martian:** yeet!

**ShotsFired:** what

**Red Arrow:** what

**Superboy:** What.

**Aqualad:** What?

**Miss Martian:** the bumblebees told me this is a way to express excitement on earth

**Miss Martian:** is that not so?

**Red Arrow:** uhhhh

**ShotsFired:** yea it is but its also a joke

**ShotsFired:** speaking of

_ ShotsFired has changed Miss Martian’s username to yEET _

**ShotsFired:** that feels so satisfying i know why rob does it

**Red Arrow:** it was on this day we lost another friend to the dark side

**ShotsFired:** :)

 

* * *

 

Wally stared at his phone. Something told him Artemis knew something he didn’t.

He sighed, then glared at the screen. The others had no right to be flirting with Dick like that. They didn’t even know his real name! Even Kaldur had joined in.  _ Kaldur.  _

Maybe they all knew something he didn’t. Something to do with Dick. 

With a few easy swipes and taps, Wally started writing a text. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)


	6. welp

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ShotsFired: its finally here robins confessing
> 
> ShotsFired: i think

**_Private chat between WarpSpeed and masteroftheaster - 9:04pm_ **

**WarpSpeed:** yo rob

 **masteroftheaster:** first of all wtf is up with your un

 **WarpSpeed:** it sounds cool!!

 **masteroftheaster:** walls,,, it does not

 **WarpSpeed:** i cant believe uve done this

 **WarpSpeed:** but uh

 **WarpSpeed:** i wanted to talk

 **masteroftheaster:** on a scale of 1-10 how

 **WarpSpeed:** 10

 **masteroftheaster:** serious is this gonna be

 **masteroftheaster:** let me finish before answering!

 **masteroftheaster:** rude

 **masteroftheaster:** okay what’s up?

 **WarpSpeed:** r u hiding smth from me?

 **masteroftheaster:** uh no???

 **WarpSpeed:** idk man it feels like every1 knows smth i dont

 **WarpSpeed:** and its about u

 **WarpSpeed:** cuz they were flirting with u and it wasnt ok

 **masteroftheaster:** that was what they were doing???

 **masteroftheaster:** also I thought it was a prank

 **masteroftheaster:** but wdym it wasn’t okay??

 **masteroftheaster:** I was cool with it

 **WarpSpeed:** u sure?? u dont have to hide things from me bro

 **masteroftheaster:** I’m sure

 **WarpSpeed:** okay……..

 **masteroftheaster:** actually uh

 **masteroftheaster:** you wanna meet up at that cafe in Central you like?

 **masteroftheaster:** I wanna tell you something

 **WarpSpeed:** sure ig?? im omw

**_Private chat between masteroftheaster and Artemis - 9:11pm_ **

**masteroftheaster:** I’m doing it holy SHIT I think I’m doing it

 **Artemis:** what

 **Artemis:** hold on

 **Artemis:** LETS FUCKINGG GO

**_Operation Birdflash 2.0 - 9:13pm_ **

**ShotsFired:** its finally here robins confessing

 **ShotsFired:** i think

 

* * *

 

The bells at the door gave a shrill ring as Dick entered. He scanned the cafe, almost leaning back into a lazy slouch, his hands tucked into the pockets of his jeans. He spotted the bright red hair almost instantly, even with Wally’s head buried in the menu.

He slid into the seat opposite Wally. He ran his hands over the cracks in the leather before clearing his throat.

“Walls,” he said, snapping Wally of out his reverie. “Constant vigilance, remember?”

“Constant vigilance on my _food_ ,” Wally shot back, grinning. “You’re paying, right?”

Dick mock-frowned. “Damn, didn’t bring my wallet.” He let himself enjoy Wally’s disappointed expression for a few moments before snickering and admitting, “Yeah, I am.”

Wally instinctively tried to shove Dick, but with Dick being across the table, he struggled. Still, Dick leaned back into his chair, making it even harder for Wally.

Did he _really_ want to do this? Did he want to risk years of friendship for a stupid crush? Besides, Bruce always said to not let emotions get in the way of a mission, and if Wally was going to be with him on those missions-

Deep breath in, deep breath out. Calm. Dick was calm and composed.

When the waitress came by (Wally ordered a stack of pancakes, while Dick just got a cup of hot cocoa), he discretely texted Artemis under the table.

 

* * *

 

**_Private chat between masteroftheaster and Artemis - 9:53pm_ **

**masteroftheaster:** i can’t do this

 **Artemis:** i caLL BULLSHIT

 

* * *

 

**Bruce**

Just do it, chum.

**You**

???

**Bruce**

You really think I didn’t notice?

**You**

I literally told you I was going to go meet up with Wally

**Bruce**

No, your crush. Just confess.

**You**

and here I thought you didn’t know emotion’s name

wow that got deep

**Bruce**

If he hurts you, I’ll hurt him. You have nothing to worry about.

**You**

brUCE NO

 

* * *

 

Wally tapped his foot impatiently under the table. Dick said he had something to tell, but wasn’t telling it. If Wally had to take a guess at what Dick wanted to tell him, he’d guess-

He’d guess nothing. He had absolutely no clue what was going on here.

He shook his head. Anyways, he’d wait for Dick. It didn’t matter that the suspense was eating him up inside; Dick was his best friend and he would wait for him to be ready. Secrets can be hard, sometimes, and the Bats carry a lot of them.

(Actually, this situation seemed kinda similar to when Dick revealed his identity to Wally now that he thought about it, but that one was on a way high Gotham rooftop where no one could see them.)

When the food arrived, Dick said quietly, “I’ve wanted to tell you this for a long time.”

That created more questions than it did answers. Didn’t Dick already tell him everything when he did the identity reveal? Now he was gonna say he had a superpower or something. 

“What is it, dude?” Wally responded. He reached out for Dick’s hand and squeezed it. (Nothing like a little reassurance between two friends.) “Just spit it out.”

Dick opened his mouth, then closed it. “I don’t- I don’t know how to say this.”

“Then, just. I dunno, man.” Wally’s eyes met Dick’s. His best friend’s eyes were conflicted, and Wally flinched. Whatever Dick had to say, it would definitely make things better if he just said it. “Say what’s on your mind.”

The corners of Dick’s mouth turned up. “That is so cheesy.”  
  
“I’m _your_ cheeseball.”   
  
“I have a crush on you.”

Damn, neither Dick nor Bats minced their words. There was no game, no playfulness to it. No “I like you,” followed by, “Yeah? We’re friends?” and then, “No, I mean I _like_ like you.” It was just a cold, hard fact.

Wait.

“What?” Wally blurted, his eyes wide. His poor little pancake morsel fell off his fork.

Dick tensed. It probably was nothing to almost anyone else, but Wally knew this was Dick rebuilding himself after something hard, whether it be getting beaten up by Two-Face or talking about his parents. He was with Wally, who he usually felt safe with, so that wasn’t a good sign.

“I have a crush on you,” Dick repeated, staring Wally down.

(They really did have a lot of touch in their friendship, Wally knew. His mind was uncomfortably bringing up that fact to the surface, like that was all a relationship was. Dick was just touch starved. Wally was just being a good friend. Right?)

If this were anyone else, Wally would smile and wink at them at the very least. In the best circumstances, he would eagerly accept. But this wasn’t anyone else. It was his best friend.

(Why was that a bad thing? Weren’t all healthy relationships built on the grounds of friendship?)

Half of his mind was blaring no. The other half was asking the other half why. And, as with everything else Wally was unsure about, he stuck his foot in his mouth. “Wow, that’s flattering, uh. Well. I just-” He gave up and sighed, unable to verbalize his thoughts properly.

Dick stood up, brushing invisible dirt off his pants. “It’s fine. You don’t have to like me back. I just wanted to say it. It’s why the Team was flirting with me, I think. My theory is that they were trying to get you jealous.”

(It worked. Wally fell into their trap like a fly with a… Venus flytrap. That was not a good analogy, okay then.)

Dick slapped a fifty dollar bill on the table. “Tell them to keep the change,” he told Wally, while Wally struggled to get words out of his mouth. Then, he just left. Nothing dramatic. Dick just walked out the door, and then, he was gone.

Wally stared at the door for a while after he left, before leaving the table with his pancakes uneaten.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i swEAR I TRIED TO MAKE IT A CLEAN, HAPPY, ONE CHAPTER CONFESSION BUT THE CHARACTERS JUST DIDN'T
> 
> okay so uhhhh
> 
> next chapter's getting a little long, I might split it up into two parts. then you'd have a three-parter confession arc. ADDITIONALLY, I have one or two aftermath chapters planned, so?? this thing that started out as me trying to be funny might actually get serious?? why do I find a way to angst in everything I write
> 
> next up: the day after


	7. i'm sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> confessions arc 2/?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay I'm keeping this short ask your questions in the comments because warm ups are in ten
> 
> BUT
> 
> My post schedule is going to follow my seven performances in my high school's production of Mamma Mia! so if the formatting/editing is off, it's because I forgot to prepare

**_Birdflash 2.0 - 7:35am_ **

**ShotsFired:** guys have ANY OF U heard from wally and robin

**Aqualad:** No, I have not. 

**yEET:** nothing on my end, either!

**Red Arrow:** no………..

**Superboy:** No. 

**ShotsFired:** skdkskdks where the FUCK are they

**Red Arrow:** they either spent the night making out or

**Aqualad:** I checked the Gotham Gazette for any news, and, well, I will let this speak for itself

**Aqualad:** [link to the Gotham Gazette’s website. The headline reads “Joker Kidnaps Robin”]

**ShotsFired:** thats uhhhh not goodd

**Red Arrow:** HOLY SHIT

**Superboy:** Should we rescue Robin, then?

**Red Arrow:** if you do, Im joining you guys for one mission only

**Aqualad:** Batman did not assign us that mission. It is prudent to assume that he is handling it on his own. 

**yEET:** but robin’s in danger! 

**Red Arrow:** you still think we listen to batman?

**Aqualad:** Fair point. We will meet up in Mount Justice.

_ ShotsFired has changed the name of the chat to “save the kiddos!!” _

 

* * *

 

**The Goddamn Bruce Wayne**

Wallace.

**You**

holy shit

uhhh

what happened???

**The Goddamn Bruce Wayne**

What did you say to Dick?

**You**

i

didnt??

**The Goddamn Bruce Wayne**

Whatever you did, Dick is went off radar when he met up with you and now he’s missing. 

**You**

MISSING???

what. happened.

**The Goddamn Bruce Wayne**

I don’t have time for this, West. Find out yourself.

**You**

DICK WAS KIDNAPPED BY THE JOKER???

BRUCE???

 

* * *

 

Artemis didn’t know what she was expecting when Robin said he was going to confess. In an ideal dreamland, it would have ended with Wally also proclaiming his love for Robin so Robin could stop pining for Wally to no avail.

Yeah, okay, maybe her best expectations were a little unrealistic. But if she put ‘Robin gets kidnapped by the Joker’ as the worst case scenario, that would’ve probably been unrealistic, too. And this was definitely the worst case scenario. Robin was annoying from time to time but she didn’t want the little guy  _ dead.  _

She inhaled and exhaled as she stepped through the zeta tube. Reappearing at Mt. Justice, she could see that she was the last to arrive. She walked forward and-

-got pushed down by someone with a loudly chattering voice.

“Robin’s been kidnapped!” Wally yelled.

“Yeah, we know,” Artemis muttered, standing up and brushing the dirt off her pants. 

Kaldur cleared his throat. “We are organizing a rescue mission as we speak, so if you would like to join us-”   
  
“Why didn’t you invite me in the first place?” Wally asked. 

Roy’s hand firmly rested on Kaldur’s shoulder as he spoke. (God, how did she not notice Koy was happening right before her eyes? Now she needed to get a new project, once this whole ordeal was over.) “Because, something happened with you that caused Robin to get kidnapped. So spill. What happened, West?”

“How does everybody know about that?” Wally zipped to the group, now in between Conner and M’gann. He probably didn’t know about how Conner’s scowl deepened when he did that. “Listen, he just confessed, and there was a misunderstanding, so he left.”

Artemis could see the gears turning in everyone’s heads, and felt them in her own. The beat of silence lasted for maybe a moment before she broke it by saying, “That’s when.”

“So what do we do?” The quiet question came from the Martian, who looked unusually forlorn. 

This time, the silence remained.

 

* * *

 

**Justice League Headlines**

 

_ VERY IMPORTANT: Robin has been kidnapped by the Joker. We need as many people as we can get! Updates to the situation will be posted in the League group chat as they come, but currently, the situation is very bleak. Brace yourselves. _

_ P.S. Barry, have a talk with your nephew! Pretty sure he broke Rule 8. _

 

~~_ The cafeteria has run out of ice cream. Diana is very upset. Can one of our billionaires/millionaires help out? _ ~~

 

~~_ Joker has broken out of Arkham. We don’t know what he’s planning. If it’s in Gotham, Batman will handle it, but otherwise, be ready.  _ ~~

 

~~_ Lex Luthor is running for president… again. Make sure he doesn’t win! _ ~~

 

* * *

 

**Justice League Handbook**

 

Welcome to the Justice League! We allow for a lot of freedom so heroes can do what they see fit to administer justice, but as a whole, we have a couple rules. 

 

  1. Be approachable. (Looking at you, Batman.) If people need help or advice, give it! That’s what the League was created for: so we wouldn’t have to save the world alone. That’s kind of ruined if you’re not approachable enough to be asked for help. 
  2. Don’t tell anyone about our base. Doesn’t matter what you say about it - you can’t say anything. We don’t want a repeat of Mt. Justice.
  3. Ask. For. Help. We’re serious. We live on Earth too, we don’t want it destroyed because a villain was too much for someone to handle. (ESPECIALLY applies to our non-powered members.)
  4. Try not to break too much gear. Please. The rich members on the team are begging you.
  5. Don’t be in the medbay unless you are visiting or sick/injured/etc. Make sure to wash up if you are visiting! Sterile environments for patients are very important.
  6. No one is allowed to burst out into song, especially not during a League meeting. No matter how fun it is, it’s distracting when you start belting I’ll Make a Man Out of You when someone says, “Let’s get down to business.” Do it in the shower, not here.
  7. Don’t eat all the food. Lots of us come up here to relax, and eating food is very much a part of relaxing. Also, people spend money on us, and we don’t want to lose their goodwill. (Ahem, Flash.)
  8. Be nice to Robin! He is the future of the League. Plus, Batman would get mad if you weren’t, and no one wants that. (Most definitely no hurting his feelings! He is Batman’s sidekick, but he’s still a kid. Don’t be a jerk.)



 

_ Page 1 _

 

* * *

**You**

Does anyone have any updates on the Robin situation?

**Barry Allen**

Sorry B :(

**Clark Kent**

Nope

**Diana Prince**

I trust everyone is searching, but I haven’t found anything yet

**Arthur Curry**

Mera and I are searching the seas, but to no avail. We are searching the Atlantic now!

**Hal Jordan**

got nothing, bats

trust me it’s not like we’re not trying we’re using the ring to its fullest potential

**John Jones**

He does not seem to be anywhere in the general vicinity of Metropolis. 

**Oliver Queen**

Shouldn’t we tell the kids??? Robin’s their friend

**Clark Kent**

We shouldn’t worry them

**You**

You’re all well aware they will find out.

**Dinah Lance**

Yup

**Barry Allen**

I don’t think Wally knows

I’ll talk to him about what he said to Robin

**You**

A little late for that, Barry.

**Barry Allen**

The goddamn Batman?

More like GODDAMNIT BATMAN

 

* * *

 

**Babs**

dick?

thought you were gonna help me out with chem hw today

did bruce decide to go on a vacation or something?

dick?

 

_ You have one (1) missed call from Babs.  _


	8. let's go sirens (minus pammy) LET'S GO

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> confessions arc 3/?

Barbara wasn’t stupid. She had always known something was up with Dick, she just could never place her finger on it. Now, however…

Dick was missing. Bruce wasn’t on an impromptu vacation or anything, she watched the billionaire walk into Wayne Enterprises this morning. Robin had been kidnapped by the Joker and had yet to be recovered. It was all too easy to make the connection.

She hacked into the school systems and labelled herself present for all classes. Then, she hailed a taxi to Wayne Manor.

She knocked. Alfred opened the door.

“I believe you’re supposed to be in school,” the butler said with a disapproving stare.

Barbara steeled herself. “Where’s Dick?” she asked. If anyone would know Dick’s secret, it would be Alfred. He knew everything.

“Sick,” Alfred curtly replied. He was being defensive, so Barbara was inclined to believe that wasn’t true.

“So you haven’t found him yet.”

“I haven’t got a clue what you speak of.”

Did she really have to spell it out? She knew Batman and Co. were paranoid, but not _this_ paranoid. Did they not trust her? Dick was her best friend. It’s not like she _wanted_ him dead.

She huffed, crossing her arms. “I know Dick is Robin. Do you have any leads? I want to help.”

Alfred’s eyes shifted slightly before he ushered her in, closing the door quickly. “I know of a team of young heroes. You would work better with them than with Master Bruce.”

Barbara grinned. “Just tell me what to do.”

 

* * *

 

**_save the kiddos!! - 11:44am_ **

_Oracle added Oracle_

**Oracle:** hey this is actually kinda cute

 **Oracle:** robin created this app, right?

 **ShotsFired:** who r u??

 **Oracle:** one of robin’s civvie friends

 **Oracle:** artemis, right? love the un

 **Oracle:** hold up I know an artemis……..

 **ShotsFired:** fun twinsies haha

 **ShotsFired:** but a) howd u get in the chat

 **ShotsFired:** and b) were kinda in the middle of smth

 **Oracle:** a) I hacked, duh

 **Oracle:** b) I’m here to help you guys out

 **Aqualad:** It is not as if we do not appreciate the assistance, but you are merely a civilian. We do not want to endanger you.

 **Oracle:** I’m a gothamite there’s nothing I can’t handle

 **Oracle:** I hacked into the chat, didn’t I?

 **Red Arrow:** you gotta admit she has a point babe

 **Miss Martian:** it’ll be fun! besides, everyone loves a good team up

 **Oracle:** why isn’t wally in here?

_Oracle added WarpSpeed_

**Oracle:** ew what is that name

 **WarpSpeed:** u guys had a gc w/o me??? :’(

 **ShotsFired:** get used to it

 **WarpSpeed:** hold on i think i know that girl……..

 **Oracle:** bold of you to assume I’m a girl

**_Private chat between WarpSpeed and Oracle - 11:47am_ **

**WarpSpeed:** babs??

 **Oracle:** gingers unite, amirite?

**_save the kiddos!! - 11:48am_ **

**Oracle:** so, have you guys got any leads?

 **ShotsFired:** gothams where robin and joker r based in so were checking there

 **Oracle:** I’ll check traffic for clowns

 **Oracle:** no clowns, but I see Catwoman on the highway

 **Aqualad:** We will go investigate.

 

* * *

 

Selina _definitely_ did not want kids. In the immortal words of that musical she saw last night, they could be such subversive little buggers. And here she was, having gotten attached to Batman’s partner of all people.

Oh well. She’d just have to roll with it.

Besides, no kid like Robin deserved to be in the hands of the Joker. She loved Harley to death, but she couldn’t see what Harley saw in him. He was twisted and not at all right in the head, and that was that.

(That was the reason she was going with if someone questioned her actions. That, and “I do what I want.” In a way that sounded less bratty.)

She steered her motorcycle off the highway. If anyone would know where the Joker was, it was Harley. The difficult bit was checking every single warehouse and safehouse the duo had occupied.

Another motorcycle whirred to life beside her. Selina looked over her shoulder irritably.

It was one of the kiddie heroes. Fan-frickin’-tastic. At the very least, it wasn’t Kid Blabbermouth. Robin had absolutely no taste in men. Based on the gills, she was pretty sure this was Aqualad.

“You do know this is Batman’s turf, right?” she said. She twisted the handlebar grip backwards, pushing past the hero.

Aqualad kept with her pace. “Robin is a friend of ours. He will understand.”  
  
_Cute._ She smirked. “Or what? You’ll _make_ him understand?”

“If we need to, yes.”

The answer came without hesitation. Selina contemplated her options. They were itty bitty heroes, but they were heroes for a reason.

“What’s the plan?”

 

* * *

 

 **Google Search for:** **_old joker hideouts_ **

 

_About 550,000 results (0.37 seconds)_

 

**Beware the Docks! The Joker Has Been Spotted At The Docks**

_gothamdaily.com_

_In light of the Joker’s recent escape from Arkham…_

 

**Harley Quinn Proclaims She is Free Of The Joker**

_supervillainheadquarters.com_

_...Quinn lists off various Joker hideouts, including Arkham on her list. When asked why…_

 

**The Joker Escapes From Arkham For The Third Time This Month**

_gothamgazette.com_

_...the GCPD has released a statement telling citizens to avoid previous Joker hideouts, including…_

 

* * *

 

**_save the kiddos!! - 2:39pm_ **

**Oracle:** guys how’s it going

 **WarpSpeed:** think we found harley

 **Oracle:** you better have, you’ve checked most of the warehouses already

 **WarpSpeed:** i knooooooooow

 **ShotsFired:** the reason we havent found her yet is cuz baywatch is here w us

 **ShotsFired:** hes bad luck

 **ShotsFired:** hoLY SHIT WE ACTUALLY FOUND HER

 **Oracle:** do any of you have vid feed on your suits, I wanna watch

 **yEET:** wally had a crush on robin the whole time?

 **ShotsFired:** oh FUCK YES

 **ShotsFired:** [harleytherapy.mov]

 **Oracle:** you sent me blackmail material I love you

 

* * *

 

_Video begins at 2:41pm, recorded in Gotham._

 

_HARLEY QUINN is in dim lighting. She is saying words that are initially undecipherable, facing KID FLASH._

 

_KID FLASH says, “It’s- it’s complicated, okay?”_

 

_HARLEY QUINN smiles and says, “Sweetie, that’s life. If there’s anything at all, it’s probably really there.”_

 

 _KID FLASH’s hand goes over his face. He says, “I am such an idiot.”_   


_HARLEY QUINN laughs and says, “Treat Robin right! As villains, we hate him, but we also adore the kid.” HARLEY QUINN’s expression drastically changes, seeming to be a frown. HARLEY QUINN says, “Whaddya need me to do? I didn’t sign on for torturing children.”_

 

_Video ends at 2:42pm._

 

* * *

 

Bruce grit his teeth, his eyes stinging from the hours he had spent staring at the glow of the Batcomputer. (He knew the name was stupid. Dick came up with it, like he did all the others. Even the chair he sat in was titled the Batchair.)

He’d searched and searched for hours. He was so sure he’d find something; the Joker was anything but subtle. It seemed the clown had learned it just to infuriate Bruce.

The Justice League hadn’t found anything. They had the numbers, but the Joker was hiding Robin somewhere no one could predict.

“Master Bruce,” said Alfred, standing behind him. Bruce let himself relax, just slightly. How Alfred always managed to sneak up on him, he’d never know. “You need some rest.”

Bruce didn’t budge. “Dick’s out there, in the hands of the Joker.”

“How are you any help to him in this state? You have the whole League on Joker’s trail, and I doubt that Joker would make a move just yet.”

Bruce sighed and rubbed his eyes. Alfred always had good reasoning. “Fine, but only for an hour.”

The moment he got out of his chair, his phone (the Batphone) vibrated. Bruce grabbed it, reading a text from one Barry Allen.

 

* * *

 

**Barry Allen**

The kids said they know where Robin is!! :D

He’s being held at Arkham, one of the abandoned wings

They’re heading there now

**Oliver Queen**

Wait the kids were looking??

 

**You**

They’re not as clueless as you think.

 

* * *

 

 

Bruce clenched his fists. That absolute clown has his son locked up in the insane asylum. It should’ve been obvious. Why couldn’t he see it before?

He walked towards his gear, Alfred giving him a knowing nod.

Time to get Dick back.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the arc's almost over!! sorry for not posting two on Saturday. it was a combo of a hectic two-show schedule, me forgetting my laptop at home, and a lack of motivation to push two chapters out of myself. as an apology, two extra chapters will come out alongside the three I have planned this week (I hope). enjoy!!
> 
> the person who guesses the musical quote I put in here gets a cookie. it's dialogue, not a song, so it's a wee bit more difficult, but! cookies!


	9. a quickie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> confessions arc 4/?

All he remembered was excruciating pain, doubling, tripling, quadrupling. Haunting laughter that reverberated off the cold walls. Red, maddening red, absolutely everywhere. 

And then there was silence. He laid on the ground, curled into himself to preserve heat. Every breath he took made him feel like his chest had collapsed in on itself. 

_ Creeeeak.  _

The door opened, and light flooded his vision. Inside the light stood a comically dark figure.

Dick grinned, weakly, just barely. “Dad,” he murmured softly, being picked up by strong arms. The thick, Kevlar cape was wrapped around him. 

He was going home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's short for Dramatic Effect(TM)  
> next is repercussions/confessions


	10. ladies and gents this is the moment you've waited for

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WarpSpeed: dude can we meet up somewhere and talk
> 
> WarpSpeed: pls??
> 
> masteroftheaster: okay…………
> 
> masteroftheaster: where?
> 
> WarpSpeed: that cafe we like?
> 
> masteroftheaster: alright I’ll see you in ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi I would like to personally sue high school for putting unneeded stress on my shoulders. in other words, I think I bombed my AP human geography test, but that's,,, okay,,,

**Babs**

dick, are you okay??

bruce told me the joker beat you up

wait you’re probably on bed rest

**You**

what are you talking about

bruce and I are vacationing in hawaii

**Babs**

don’t be stupid dick

I know

I helped find you

**You**

……..since when did this happen

**Babs**

you’re not as clever as you think

**You**

I mean I’m fooling most of the population

maybe,,, you’re just That smart

**Babs**

hmm you’re right

I am That smart

well get some rest boy blunder

**You**

but baaaaaaaaabs

**Babs**

no ifs and buts, just rest?? please??

I still need to copy your chem hw

**You**

[chemhw.jpg]

**Babs**

dick

**You**

fiNE

 

* * *

 

**_save the kiddos!! - 3:47pm_ **

**ShotsFired:** so um,,,

 **ShotsFired:** is robin Okay does anyone know??

**_but we’re a colder mess than the JL - 3:49pm_ **

**masteroftheaster:** guys. we haven’t,, used this chat in ages what’s going on???

 **attacked:** idk, maybe you GOT KIDNAPPED

 **dumbass:** ^^^

 **ShotsFired:** ^^^

 **PureCinnamonRoll:** ^^^

 **Saltwater:** This is true.

 **Conner:** What he said.

 **masteroftheaster:** …………

 **masteroftheaster:** y’know what, that’s fair

 **dumbass:** ARE YOU OKAY

 **masteroftheaster:** yeah.

 **attacked:** now when have we heard that before

 **attacked:** oh right when you were half beaten to death by two face

 **masteroftheaster:** stfu roy no one asked for your opinion

 **masteroftheaster:** listen I’m just injured

 **masteroftheaster:** I’ll be back for missions in like two weeks

 **masteroftheaster:** maybe one

 **dumbass:** well be injured together :D

 **masteroftheaster:** heh yeah

**_save the kiddos!! - 3:54pm_ **

**WarpSpeed:** this isnt right wtf is going on

 **WarpSpeed:** this is so awkward i just

 **WarpSpeed:** ahhhhhhhhhhh

 **WarpSpeed:** can some1 tell rob im sorry for rejecting him

 **Red Arrow:** tell him yourself smh

 **WarpSpeed:** but roy thats Difficult

 **ShotsFired:** jfc not this again

 **yEET:** it can’t be that bad! just try! robin will understand!

**_but we’re a colder mess than the JL - 3:56pm_ **

**dumbass:** bro pls talk to me

 **masteroftheaster:** sorry sorry don’t wanna make things weird

 **masteroftheaster:** ugh I have hw I need to do

 **PureCinnamonRoll:** What kind is it?

 **masteroftheaster:** just pre calc

 **masteroftheaster:** it’s insanely easy but it’s the highest level of math I can do rn

 **masteroftheaster:** and I had to fight for it

 **ShotsFired:** dUDE

 **ShotsFired:** what?? the fuck???

 **ShotsFired:** im in precalc and that shits hard af

 **masteroftheaster:** we’re basically learning a l g e b r a now arty

 **masteroftheaster:** I asked if I could take the test home to do it

 **masteroftheaster:** and my teacher said no???

 **masteroftheaster:** blasphemy

 **dumbass:** have u considered,,, they think youll cheat???

 **masteroftheaster:** pfft I’m a goddamn delight no she doesn’t

 **attacked:** youre also v shady

 **masteroftheaster:** wow okay then r00d

 **Saltwater:** Have I ever mentioned how much I enjoy being not being enrolled in school?

 **masteroftheaster:** kal’s FLEXING on us here

 **attacked:** babe please

**_save the kiddos!! - 4:02pm_ **

**WarpSpeed:** this is so public i cant-

 **Aqualad:** Is there not the function of private messaging? Roy uses it rather often.

 **ShotsFired:** ;)

 **Red Arrow:** could you stop exposing me like this

 **Aqualad:** You refused to share your food.

 **WarpSpeed:** kaldur is out for blood today

 **WarpSpeed:** rip roy

 **ShotsFired:** he will not be missed

 **Superboy:** Why does Kaldur want to kill Roy.

 **Superboy:** *?

 **yEET:** i don’t think he’s really going to do it

 **Aqualad:** You would be surprised, M’gann.

_ShotsFired has changed Aqualad’s username to hongry_

**hongry:** Artemis, you are next.

 **ShotsFired:** welp

 **ShotsFired:** ig im gonna see u fuckers in hell

 **ShotsFired:** not u mgann ur an angel

 **WarpSpeed:** and thats the tea

 **ShotsFired:** GET OUT

**_Private chat between WarpSpeed and masteroftheaster - 4:10pm_ **

**WarpSpeed:** dude can we meet up somewhere and talk

 **WarpSpeed:** pls??

 **masteroftheaster:** okay…………

 **masteroftheaster:** where?

 **WarpSpeed:** that cafe we like?

 **masteroftheaster:** alright I’ll see you in ten

 

* * *

 

**Bruce**

Where do you think you’re going?

**You**

goddamnit

I forgot you have cameras around

 

* * *

 

**_Private chat between WarpSpeed and masteroftheaster - 4:13pm_ **

**masteroftheaster:** nvm Bruce caught me

 **WarpSpeed:** kslewojioeifief im already at the cafe

 **masteroftheaster:** tfw your best friend doesn’t wanna accommodate your injury and hella scary dad

 **WarpSpeed:** jeez ok im coming

 

* * *

 

Wally bounced on his toes, listening to the doorbell echo throughout the mansion.

Alfred opened the door within a few moments. Then closed it in Wally’s face.

He groaned. “Alfie? I’m here to apologize, okay? I’m sorry Dick got hurt! I helped rescue him!”

The door was opened again, but slowly. Alfred was standing professionally, but no one could miss the fierce glower directed straight at Wally. A chill ran down his spine, like the shock of cold Gotham rain when you’re used to the constantly sunny Central.

“I swear I won’t hurt Dick ever again, I swear! I’ll—I’m his best friend, Alfred, I—”

“That’s enough, Master Wallace,” Alfred interrupted, keeping his stony expression. “If you hurt Master Richard again, you will not have a second chance.”  
  
Wally was a growing boy. He happily stood a good several inches above Dick, and with all the hero work he did, he was pretty fit. Plus, the superpowers, you can’t forget the superpowers. Yet, as Alfred stood across from him, he couldn’t help but feel cowed.

“Sir yes sir,” Wally said, ignoring the urge to jokingly salute.

Alfred stepped aside and gestured for Wally to come in. He ran through the hallways and up the stairs, stopping at the door he knew was Dick’s room.

Tentatively, Wally knocked.

 

* * *

 

**You**

baaaaaabs

**Babs**

what

**You**

he’s here

wally’s here and I don’t know what to do

**Babs**

just??? talk to him????

**You**

but I made it weird

**Babs**

stfu no you didn’t

listen I’m blocking you until you come to your senses

**You**

RUDE

**This number is unable to receive your messages.**

 

* * *

 

**_Private chat between masteroftheaster and Artemis - 4:23pm_ **

**masteroftheaster:** artyyyyyy

 **masteroftheaster:** help meeeeeee

 **Artemis:** y

 **Artemis:** yknow what

 **Artemis:** no anyways

 **masteroftheaster:** :’(

 **Artemis:** figure it out urself u disaster gay

 **masteroftheaster:** says a STRAIGHT

 **Artemis:** bold of u to assume im straight

 **masteroftheaster:** oh shit my bad

 **Artemis:** im,,, experimenting ig??? idk how its gonna end up

 **Artemis:** girls r hot but so r boys and thats that on that

 **masteroftheaster:** so are you bi like wally? or pan

 **Artemis:** i think bi rn?? im just testing out the label to see how it feels tbh

 **Artemis:** ugh that means i have something in common with wally

 **Artemis:** speaking of

 **Artemis:** just!!!!!! talk to him!!!!!!! wally loves u itll be cool

 **masteroftheaster:** funny my friend said literally the exact same thing

 **masteroftheaster:** so maybe you guys are onto something

 **Artemis:** ofc

 

* * *

 

**God Himself**

Master Richard, I see it fit to inform you that Wallace should be at your room right about now.

 

* * *

 

A knock sounded at his door.

 

* * *

 

**You**

yeah he is

thanks alfred!!

**God Himself**

You’re welcome, Master Richard.

 

* * *

 

“You know you don’t have to knock,” Dick called. He shut his phone off and slid it into his pocket.

Next thing he knew, he was being squeezed to death from behind by one Wally West. “Man, I was so worried about you!” Wally spoke rapidly. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I was kinda a douche, and I just—”

“KF!” Dick laughed loudly. “It’s fine. _I’m_ fine. The Joker’s nothing new.” 

(Being trapped, for days, was. He bet if he stepped foot in Arkham right now, he’d have a full-blown panic attack. No one needed to know that.)

Wally tensed. “The Joker,” he muttered.

Dick squeezed one of Wally’s arms, dragging it away from his waist. “I deal with him all the time,” he dismissed. “It’s cool.”

“You sure, dude?” Wally shook his head. “Never mind. I came here to talk to you about something else.”

The detective skills that had been ingrained in Dick since age nine deduced that Wally wanted to talk about Dick’s confession. Yeah, well. Wally’s feelings on that were made pretty damn clear. It was fine. He’d get over it. Wally wasn’t the only available redhead guy in the world Dick could date.

Probably the only one he was in love with, though.

Wally carried on, oblivious to Dick’s internal monologue. “You being gone helped me realize some stuff?” He looked in Dick’s eyes. Dick ruminated on how pretty and earnest Wally’s eyes were. It was one of his favorite things about Wally. “I think I… I think I like you, too.”

_No, he doesn’t._

Dick turned away. “You know you don’t have to pretend. I’m not fragile. It was my fault for letting my guard down and letting Joker get me, not yours.”  
  
Wally moved so that he was once again directly across from Dick’s gaze. “Hey. _Hey._ You think that’s why I’m doing it?” His voice sounded so small and quiet, Dick was almost ready to believe it.

“I mean, yeah.” Dick huffed. “You made your feelings pretty evident at the diner.” He crossed his arms, just a twinge bitter. That was fine. He just had to stay whelmed about this. He was the Boy Wonder, not a giggly schoolgirl.

“Honestly?” Wally said. “I wasn’t thinking at the diner. I don’t think I’d ever thought about it.”  
  
“Anything new?” Dick murmured, smirking a little at the jab.

Wally made a face of mock offense, his features exaggerating just so. When his expression returned to the softer look he was going for earlier, he continued. “And then I thought about it… and had some help… from Harley Quinn… and it just kinda made sense, if you know what I mean.”

“I do,” Dick responded.

Things just fell into place when it came to Wally. Maybe it was because they’d been best friends and were ready for that next step. Maybe it had to do with how they knew each other inside and out, how Wally was the first person outside of Bruce and Alfred and Barbara that Dick had truly trusted in a while.

“You sure you aren’t just giving me a pity date?” Dick asked, just to make sure.

“Oh my god, _no._ This couldn’t be the further from it.”

Their hands intertwined. They had done this before—of course they did. They were best friends, after all—and it felt exactly the same. Dick grinned.

“Wanna kiss?” Wally suggested. “I mean, not entirely sure how fast we’re taking this, but—”

“Kid Flash speeds,” Dick decided before leaning in and placing his lips square on Wally’s mouth.

 

* * *

 

**_but we’re a colder mess than the JL - 6:08pm_ **

**masteroftheaster:** so

 **masteroftheaster:** guess who’s not single anymore

 **dumbass:** ;)

_masteroftheaster has changed dumbass’s username to babe_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't anyone dare @ me on the pre-calc thing because I've seen so many fics where Dick is in like g e o m e t r y when I, a lowly average person who is most definitely not a genius, am in pre-calc as a freshman in public school? anyways if you do algebra 1 in 6th grade, which is, by my knowledge, the earliest you can start, you'd be where I am. so. personal experience bonuses, except Dick probably isn't struggling with matrices because he doesn't pay attention in class
> 
> also!! so sorry for the long wait!! this kinda goes to show that I probably shouldn't set a schedule for myself honestly. 
> 
> come talk to me on Tumblr @crystalinastar !! I don't know how to do anything since I got my account recently, and I can't guarantee I'll be on all the time, but I'm Trying


	11. zatANNA MAKES AN ENTRANCE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ShotsFired: we should do a potluck
> 
> babe: YESsdjffjjejkieidiojidsoklkmdn
> 
> attacked: 911 did I just witness a murder
> 
> masteroftheaster: it’s what he deserves for texting under the table during breakfast

**_but we’re a colder mess than the JL - 8:39am_ **

**ShotsFired:** i spend the whole night studying for my chem test and this is what i come back to

 **ShotsFired:** btw fun fact guys!! studying = students dying

 **masteroftheaster:** we’re two goddamn delights thank you v much

 **masteroftheaster:** and yeah accurate

 **masteroftheaster:** you were on tumblr all night weren’t you

 **ShotsFired:** maybe what about it

**_Private chat between masteroftheaster and Artemis - 8:43am_ **

**masteroftheaster:** what’s your tumblr

 **ShotsFired:** sksksksks no chance in hell im giving u that

 **masteroftheaster:** I’m,,,, a hacker,,,, I’ll find it anyways

 **ShotsFired:** id like to see u try biTCH

 **masteroftheaster:** you’re on

**_but we’re a colder mess than the JL - 8:45am_ **

**masteroftheaster:** wally is a fucking superheater I LOVE him

 **ShotsFired:** ew get those feelings away from me

 **masteroftheaster:** smooch smooch bitch

 **PureCinnamonRoll:** congrats, robin! wally is a good match for you

 **masteroftheaster:** see at least someone’s supportive

 **Saltwater:** Likewise. I believe M’gann summed up my feelings on the matter quite succinctly.

 **attacked:** thank FUCK you 2 arent gonna pine like oblivious idiots anymore smh

 **ShotsFired:** MOOD

 **Conner:** Do I point out that Artemis is the only single person, and the only bitter person?

 **masteroftheaster:** DAMN SON

 **ShotsFired:** uhhhh fuck you guys too im gonna go get myself a date

 **attacked:** ask out the 1st hot person you see

 **masteroftheaster:** bet. ten bucks you won’t

 **ShotsFired:** oh ur fuckin on u lil twerp

**_but we’re a colder mess than the JL - 9:34am_ **

**babe:** rob come back im lonely :(

 **attacked:** dont do it make him Suffer

 **Saltwater:** Roy.

 **attacked:** ugh fINE robin grab your boytoy

 **masteroftheaster:** wally’s gonna have to come down for breakfast

 **masteroftheaster:** he knows I won’t skip one of A’s meals

 **ShotsFired:** a?????

 **babe:** IM COMING IM COMING SAVE A PLATE FOR ME

 **ShotsFired:** who is???? a????

**_but we’re a colder mess than the JL - 10:09am_ **

**ShotsFired:** HA guess whose mom made her daughter banh mi for breakfast

 **ShotsFired:** take that LOSERS

 **ShotsFired:** [banhmi.jpg]

 **PureCinnamonRoll:** it looks delicious! i would love to try some one day!

 **ShotsFired:** we should do a potluck

 **babe:** YESdjffjjejkieidiojidsoklkmdn

 **attacked:** 911 did I just witness a murder

**_but we’re a colder mess than the JL - 10:38am_ **

**masteroftheaster:** it’s what he deserves for texting under the table during breakfast

 **masteroftheaster:** anyways you guys batman wants us to meet up at mt. justice for more training

 **attacked:** not me :)

 **ShotsFired:** fuck off u sad sack of dicks we get to spend time w/ dinah

 **attacked:** :o

 **Saltwater:** Stay out of this. This is a Team matter. As you always say yourself, you are not a part of the Team.

 **babe:** someones,,,, salty ;D

 **PureCinnamonRoll:** lol

 **masteroftheaster:** alright who taught m’gann what text lingo is

 **PureCinnamonRoll:** the bumblebees helped me out greatly! Ｏ(≧▽≦)Ｏ

 **ShotsFired:** mgann “YEET” morzz is doin this now huh

 **masteroftheaster:** wait when did this happen???

 **_save the kiddos!! - 10:44am_ **  

 **masteroftheaster:** I KNEW SOMETHING WAS UP

 **Oracle:** was wondering when you would blunder boy

 **masteroftheaster:** i,,,,, is this,,,,,,

 **Oracle:** ;)

 **ShotsFired:** wait whats going on

 **Oracle:** wouldn’t you like to know, weather boy?

 

* * *

 

**_This number has unblocked you._ **

 

**You**

babs what the FUCK

**Babs**

<3

 

* * *

 

**_but we’re a colder mess than the JL - 10:47am_ **

_masteroftheaster added Oracle_

_masteroftheaster has made Oracle an admin_

**babe:** i see SHES an admin but ur bf isnt :’(

 **masteroftheaster:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **Oracle:** two seconds in and I’m already LIVING for this relationship

 **ShotsFired:** ok i know i shit on them so much but M O O D

 **attacked:** ^^^

 **Saltwater:** A truer statement has never been spoken.

 **Saltwater:** But, Robin, when are we expected at the Cave?

 **masteroftheaster:** uhhhhhh like afternoon ish?

 **masteroftheaster:** @attacked @ShotsFired can you two ask dinah when she’s coming

 **Oracle:** I,,, didn’t read that right dkkdksksksksl

 **masteroftheaster:** SKODJIQWNDNDS

 **ShotsFired:** GROSS

 **attacked:** rob can I l e a v e this unholy chat PLS

 **masteroftheaster:** oracle you’re banned from speaking

 **Oracle:** that’s what you’d like me to think

 **Oracle:** but fine

_Oracle left the chat_

**babe:** rip oracle

 **babe:** damn i was hoping i could put together a ginger gc

 **attacked:** NO

 **babe:** party pooper

 **babe:** wait

 **babe:** rob do ur thing

_masteroftheaster has changed attacked’s username to partypooper_

**ShotsFired:** wally has Too Much Power now what have we done

 **babe:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**_but we’re a colder mess than the JL - 12:29pm_ **

**PureCinnamonRoll:** i love everyone on this team so much! <3 <3 <3 

 **masteroftheaster:** that feels oddly aggressive

 **PureCinnamonRoll:** why did no one introduce me to musicals? >:(

 **PureCinnamonRoll:** that’s not what friends are for

 **ShotsFired:** mgann??? being salty for once in her life??? w h a t ????

 **ShotsFired:** what musical did u listen to

 **PureCinnamonRoll:** wicked

 **ShotsFired:** blocked

 **ShotsFired:** miss saigon is the only valid musical

 **babe:** a l l  o f  t h e m  a r e  v a l i d

 **babe:** my fave is cats

 **ShotsFired:** ofc that would be URS heathen

 **masteroftheaster:** cabaret and pippin are legit pretty great

 **attacked:** spring awakening. is so wild

 **Saltwater:** I have a fondness for The Little Mermaid.

 **Conner:**...What are musicals.

 **masteroftheaster:** that's it we’re having a sleepover tonight and watching mamma mia

 **babe:** seconded

 **attacked:** thirded

 **ShotsFired:** fourthed

 **ShotsFired:** wth roy ur not even on the team

 **babe:** no worries arty hes invited

 **masteroftheaster:** it’s tradition

 

* * *

 

**Dinah**

Tell your teammates that training will start in an hour

**You**

got it

 

* * *

 

**_but we’re a colder mess than the JL - 2:01pm_ **

**ShotsFired:** Dinah wants us over at 3

 **masteroftheaster:** yeah okay I’ll be there in 10

**_but we’re a colder mess than the JL - 2:47pm_ **

**babe:** guys!!!! cap marvel is!!! fuckin great!!!!

 **masteroftheaster:** CAN CONFIRM

 **masteroftheaster:** [HEISSERVINGUSFOOD.jpg]

**_but we’re a colder mess than the JL - 9:51pm_ **

**masteroftheaster:** so that was wild

 **masteroftheaster:** but hey tornado's our den mother again that's fun

 **masteroftheaster:** and aNOTHER THING

_masteroftheaster added Zatanna_

**Zatanna:** why, hello there ;)

 **ShotsFired:** skskskskskksksksks

 **masteroftheaster:** ew your un is normal

_masteroftheaster has changed Zatanna’s username to MagicInBed_

**ShotsFired:** SKSKKSKSKSKSKSKK

 **MagicInBed:** ;)))))))))

**_Private chat between masteroftheaster and Artemis - 9:55pm_ **

**Artemis:** w h y

 **masteroftheaster:** payback

 **masteroftheaster:** you owe me ten bucks btw

 **Artemis:**???

 **masteroftheaster:** [screenshot.jpg]

 **masteroftheaster:** “i s2g i better not be this fucking stupid when i have a crush” - artemis, 2011

 **Artemis:** but??? i dont have a crush???

 

* * *

 

 _“Hi, I’m_ — _”_

_“I’m Artemis!” The archer slid her way to the front. Eagerly, Dick noticed._

_Wally’s grip on his hand grew a little tighter. He could see why. Zatanna definitely wasn’t lacking in the looks department._

_Dick rested his chin on Wally’s shoulder (advantage of being the short one in the relationship). It was a sign, one that said, “I’m not going anywhere.” Wally’s shoulders untensed._

_By then, Artemis had already introduced everyone. She bit her lip, a nervous habit of hers. Why would Artemis be nervous? Unless…_

_“If you want, I could give you a private tour. Of the Cave!” Artemis blurted, her cheeks carrying a faint red tint._

_Dick smirked._

 

* * *

 

**_Private chat between masteroftheaster and Artemis - 9:57pm_ **

**masteroftheaster:** sure, jan

**_but we’re a colder mess than the JL - 9:58pm_ **

**ShotsFired:** this is a callout post addressed to one (1) robin!!!! hes a bitch!!!! i hate him!!! fuck him!!!

 **MagicInBed:** I could do that a lot better than him y’know

 **babe:** ya arty!! back the fuck off!! robs mine!!

 **masteroftheaster:** oh my god the sexual tension I can’t do this anymore

_masteroftheaster has created chat_

_masteroftheaster has named chat “Snaibsel + REVENGE”_

_masteroftheaster added WarpSpeed, Red Arrow, Miss Martian, Superboy, and Aqualad_

**_Snaibsel + REVENGE - 10:03pm_ **

**masteroftheaster:** so what are we gonna do about zatanna and artemis

 **Red Arrow:** whatever it is do it tomorrow

 **Red Arrow:** am currently grappling to the zeta

 **Red Arrow:** MAMMA MIA MOVIE NIGHT

 **masteroftheaster:** ugh fine

**_Private chat between masteroftheaster and Zatanna - 10:05pm_ **

**masteroftheaster:** you are,,, invited to our mamma mia movie night

 **Zatanna:** o h  h e l l  y e s

 **Zatanna:** also how well am I seducing artemis she doesn’t seem to be responding the right way

 **masteroftheaster:** oh don’t worry your seducing is top notch :D

 **Zatanna:** :D

 

* * *

 

Zatanna arrived via zeta tube in her pajamas and bunny slippers, and was not disappointed with the sight that presented itself to her.

Wally and Robin were snuggled up against each other, with Robin struggling to hold in his laughter and filming as Wally badly belted “Dancing Queen.” Conner’s eyes were fixed to the screen. M’gann was snoring softly on his shoulder. Kaldur looked upon the Team, his small smile betraying his amusement. Roy was belting right along with Wally.

And then, Artemis. Artemis was sitting with her legs spread with one foot propped up on the couch, and _holy mother of Jesus how could Zatanna have ever thought she was straight._

Fighting to keep down her blush, Zatanna plopped down right next to Artemis and fucking _winked._ Never let it be said she wasn’t a disaster pan.

“Tanya and Rosie are lesbian aunts,” she commented. _Honey, your gay is showing_ , she thought to herself with amusement. 

“Ye—yeah,” Artemis muttered weakly. God, the girl had a bad case of anxiety or something.

Zatanna grinned to herself as Robin caught her eye. She liked the Team, and she had a feeling she would fit right in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you gotta love when being a theatre kid bleeds into your fic. but c'mon!! M'gann would love Wicked!! it's about a green girl that doesn't fit in!! (everyone's gonna have a fucking field day when they listen to BMC all the way in the future)
> 
> (Tanya and Rosie are definitely lesbian aunts fuck off)
> 
> come join me on Tumblr @crystalinastar ,,, please,,, I'm lonely plus I've always wanted to take Tumblr prompts and do writer asks?? plEASE


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